Mary-Claire Hoffman reporting from Espanola ;)

Hey guys,

Its been one of the easier going weeks of the mission, for me anyway. We had our second lesson of the second round of Discovery on Tuesday, and my parents and sister made a cameo appearance, as did our old Impact friends George Worthen and Chris O’Hara (in the middle of their trip across the country), which was really cool. Its awesome how God’s been sending old friends our way periodically through the summer. Those visits always seem to come when we need them the most.
Anyway, the second lesson of Discovery is my favourite I think. I probably said that about another lesson earlier in this blog...but anyway, this time its my favourite. Its all about the Prodigal Son, and how it demonstrates our relationship with God; the way we tend to walk away from Him, thinking we have a better plan for ourselves, but that never really works out, and like the son in the story, we come home to God eventually. The son in the parable expects wrath from his father when he comes home after spending nearly all the family money on parties...but receives a warm welcome home and forgiveness and mercy instead. Its really beautiful. I'd highly recommend reading it if you haven't :) and even if you have. Its Luke 15: 11-32. And, since its pretty applicable to my testimony, it was my turn to share my testimony on Tuesday night at the study, which, as always, was a little scary. I put it in here for you guys to read too if you want to :).

And we had our second youth group night on Thursday. We had a photo scavenger hunt across Espanola, which was surprisingly fun. It was girls against guys, so me and Angele were on a team with 5 rambunctious and extreeemely energetic young ladies, who had no qualms running into people’s yards or flagging down police officers to get pictures with them. All in all, it was a lot of fun, regardless who the winners were (us).

We went to two parishioner’s houses for supper this past week too. They are really amazing people. So loving..you can feel Christ just beaming through them. Its crazy. It really amazes me the more we meet older people, how strong their faith is despite the unimaginable suffering some of them have been through. Real live “Jobs” that you meet who seem to have everything taken from them yet can still come out of it and say “bless the Lord.”

Anywho, that's what God has been doing here as of this week. Hope all of you people are well. Until next time!



My Testimony

    I grew up in a Catholic family that went to Church every Sunday, but as far as I knew, that was all Catholicism was; a bunch of rules that were impossible to live by so no one followed anymore and God, He was up there just waiting to strike us down when we messed up. So in high school, instead of trying to pursue this unattainable perfection, I pursued popularity, which evolved into something that controlled my every decision. I just went with the crowd, no matter what it was. I figured what other people didn’t know didn’t hurt them, and so as my family can attest to, I had very little consideration for other people. If you would have asked me then if I was happy with my life I think I would have said yes. I was having fun with my friends. But I remember at one fundraiser night for my brother hearing one of his friends give a testimony. And thinking, man, that guy has something that I don’t have. I kinda wish I had that. But I pushed that idea out pretty quickly. I did NOT want to change who I was, I was comfortable enough to cling to that, there was no way I was becoming one of those Christian people. I had a stereotype in my mind that I wasn’t about to fill and I was too scared of what God would want from me if I let him any closer than the outskirts of my life.

So God shook up that comfort a little bit. A couple months later I was off to University, living in the city, far far away from all my friends and that “cool” status I worked so hard for and whatever else made up my security blanket. My brother kept bringing me to all these CCO events, where I was meeting devout Catholic people who didn’t know about any of the things I had done, and wanted to really know ME, the real me. Looking back now I realize why they all freaked me out so much. It was because without my friends, my reputation, who was I really? What did I have left? Nothing, I had no idea who I was, and that was a really scary feeling. One event my brother insisted I come to was the “CCO Fall Retreat” that was going on during one of the first weekends of University starting. I remember having so much fear about not fitting it there, but getting there and being totally blown away by the people. There were all my age and they were so excited about their faith and they seemed so happy, just like that guy I’d heard share his testimony a few months before. I wanted it so badly. But, fear rushed the idea from my head again, saying “these people are perfect, Mary. Remember all that stuff you’ve done in the past few years? Yeah you don’t fit in with them.”

The retreat hosted Adoration that night, which is a night of music and sitting in front of the Eucharist and just praying. I remember sitting there with a million thoughts racing through my head. I kept thinking, “How can I change? How can I become like these people? I cant, its impossible, but other people said they changed, it must not be that bad, no it will be horrible, cant do it” I felt something in me telling me to go to confession, but I thought, “I don’t feel really feel sorry for what I’ve done over the past few years, so how could I? But that voice in my head kept persisting so eventually I went. It started like every other confession I had, I began with those small wishy-washy sins, but before long I was sobbing, telling him everything. The horrible things I let consume me in order to maintain my rep as the “popular girl”. How I didn’t even feel real remorse for the things I did. When I finally stopped the priest gently told me the story of the prodigal son, which I had heard a dozen times before but never actually understood until that moment. For the first time, I could relate to that son. And even though I could not wrap my head around why God would possibly be waiting for me with such excitement, it was something that struck my heart and stayed.
            I left Fall Retreat very confused about what it really meant to live for God, and very, very scared. But I knew for sure I didn’t want to keep going on the path I was on, so I decided to let him take over. I didn’t really know how people went about these things. So while sitting on my dorm room floor I dug out my bible from a box, flipped to the back page, and scrawled “God, I promise to live for you” on it. I thought to myself, “Well, this is it. He’s going to ruin everything. Turn me into a hermit or a nun.” As if He was out to destroy my happiness and I had no choice in the matter.
            But over time, weird things started to happen. I started seeing how there were good people God brought into my life that really did care about me. I didn’t realize it at the time, but God wasn’t snatching something wonderful from me. He was patiently leading me to a place of light, where I could see the truth about the life I’d been living, and genuinely wanted something different. Something better.
             Since then I’ve been learning more about God. I took Discovery and was shocked to hear that he was actually present in my life like any other person, and wanted me to talk to Him regularly, so I started praying. For about 5 minutes twice a week at first and it felt like the largest most inconvenient commitment I’d ever made, but from there it grew and grew and so did I. I learned Christians aren’t perfect people. That we all have our sins and our struggles, and that all our good acts and holiness are still not enough to reach God without Jesus as our bridge.

But overall, I can honestly say I’m not the same girl I was two years ago. I am happier, more confident, more at peace, but I don’t feel lost, or empty, or angry anymore. I feel free. I know God loves me. So much that he sent His son to die for me. I know I’m forgiven. His love for me, though it seems crazy that the Creator of the World would love me, makes me want to always try to be a better daughter to Him and grow closer to Him.